I rated this book with only 1 star out of 5 for several reasons: the lack of a real editor, the childish writing style, the typical Tolkien-esque world set-up...but the main reason for my utter dislike of this book is the base creatures she calls "characters." The protagonist, Derac, and his love-interest, Kie, are a couple typical of most amateur porn: they lack personality and integrity.
My review contains spoilers.
Derac watched his wife die an unrealistic death in Chapter 1, which reads more like a prologue than an actual chapter. Derac reveals toward the climax that he hunted down and tortured his wife's murderers, though he wisely recognizes that doing so couldn't bring her back, and that he'll have to live with his guilt. One would imagine, then, that he would not encourage torture when faced with the true killer--that he would warm the reader's heart by honorably allowing the justice system (for which he pledges his life) to do its duty. He disappoints.
Kie is the author, to put it bluntly. Kierianna is a Mary Sue, a character with all the virtues of her author, and talent where she has flaws. For example, Anastasia's daddy issues spill through as Kie's ability to catch any man she wants--and even some she doesn't. Though Kie considers this a curse, she seems to expect blatant adoration with nonchalant disdain: "“The one time you [all] agree is to protect my honor? That’s sweet. Thank you."
Kie is a tomboy, a trait I can identify with readily enough, but her perfection is laughable. Her need to muffle her femininity could come from her troubled past as a child-sex-slave for the dwarves, but instead, the author claims that wearing dresses and caring for one's appearance is superficial; so instead of making this display of masculinity evidence of Kie's insecurity, the author intends it as a choice made from pride.
Kie and Derac supposedly share a deep and meaningful love, but they never say so to one another. Instead, they exchange compliments based on their attractiveness. In a nutshell, they are in lust, not love. They never have a meaningful conversation that affords them an opportunity to love. They have a significant moment when they're planning their infiltration of the Gorgot Mines, and they sympathize with one another when Kie learns about Derac's wife, but neither of these scenes work to endear one to the other--let alone to the reader.
The intended foil to Kie is the only other female on the Kinir Elite team: Aeli. She is consistently described as stupid, slutty, and superficial, though she actually displays the opposite traits. The only time she does anything stupid is when she speaks out of turn. She is considered slutty because she lets the traitor think that she is loyal to him by letting him sleep with her, but she did so to keep her team alive. That's selflessness personified. Finally, if she's superficial just because she's proud to be a woman, then this author has written the most sexist book since the Twilight series. Aeli is disrespected, dumped by Jardel, basically raped by the traitor, and she's given no comfort or support. She even works next to her ex-boyfriend until the book's close without any thoughts or actions that hint at spite. In the author's quest to make her deuteragonist perfect, she's alienated her readers, and so created a foil to the intended foil.
I would recommend this book to teenagers if it weren't so sexist, as that seems to be the target audience (even though she claims she enchants adults, I was more disenchanted). Typos hindered the unimaginative sentence structures, and someone with a high school degree could tell have told her how one-dimensional her "characters" were. Ultimately, this book was a Mary-Sue love-fest between the author (Kie) and the character once modeled after her dad. It is little more than a shallow romance with action scenes (suspiciously similar to Lord of the Rings) propelling a predictable plot...yet another self-published mistake.
You can keep the 50 cents for Wounded Warrior...I want my $4.49 back.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The Mary Sue of Purity Flame: Part 3--The Unintended Foil
You've seen a foil before--it's the character whose main purpose is to make another character (usually the protagonist) look better. Think Cinderella's step-sisters: they were petty and conniving and ugly; Cinderella could have just sat there and you'd sympathize with her. By default, the foil usually mirrors in fault what the protagonist has in virtue. For example, in Pride and Prejudice, heroine Elizabeth Bennet is sensible and charming; her sister, Lydia, is silly and obnoxious.
The Mary Sue's same-gender companions are foils by default; no one can measure up to the perfection of Mary Sue. However, because the Mary Sue is by definition unsympathetic, she often becomes the true foil to the flawed, real characters who were meant to be foils to her. Such is the case in Harley V. Palmer's Purity Flame.
The intended foil to Mary-Sue Kie is Aeli, the only other female of the Kinir Elite. She is described as stupid, slutty, and superficial, which means that Kie should be smart, wholesome, and down-to-earth.
All the major characters of Purity Flame look down on Aeli for her alleged stupidity, though the only evidence of this is the one time she speaks out-of-turn in front of Commander Palto. I found this charmingly naive, not purposely disrespectful. Alternately, if she is stupid because she was duped by the traitor, then Derac, Kie, and the rest of the Kinir Elite are stupid, as well. The allegation that Aeli is stupid is inconclusive if not entirely wrong.
Aeli is flirtatious, not slutty. She could cross the line into promiscuity, but never is this documented in the book. In fact, there is more evidence the prove she is not a slut than there is to condemn her as one:
It is suggested that Aeli is admitted to the Kinir Elite solely for her attractiveness, and that her abilities as a warrior are sub-par. Despite Kie's beauty--which tempts every man she comes in contact with--her abilities are not questioned. Kie is paraded around by the author as a workaholic tomboy; Aeli is the flirtatious airhead. As the deuteragonist, Kie is expected to be the female reader's sympathetic character; however, she is damaging to all womankind.
Kie tries to diminish her womanhood by keeping her hair in a braided bun, wearing only the masculine (or at least gender-neutral) Elite uniform, and scoffing at every element of femininity in the book. Since she is given attention, respect, and even praise, she is the character that young women will try to emulate.
Aeli is naive, trusting, flirtatious, outspoken, and courageous, and yet female readers are being told to disregard her. Aeli is disrespected by being called names, dumped by Jardel, basically raped by the traitor, and she's given no comfort or support. She may be flawed, but in a job full of masculine influences, where women are not allowed to make a mistake, and her allies--the "honorable" good guys--consider her stupid, slutty, and superficial, Aeli has the courage to remain true to herself. She doesn't try to hide who she is. She may have been written to resemble Lydia Bennet, but she has all the cunning, vulnerability, and charm of Marilyn Monroe.
The Mary Sue's same-gender companions are foils by default; no one can measure up to the perfection of Mary Sue. However, because the Mary Sue is by definition unsympathetic, she often becomes the true foil to the flawed, real characters who were meant to be foils to her. Such is the case in Harley V. Palmer's Purity Flame.
The intended foil to Mary-Sue Kie is Aeli, the only other female of the Kinir Elite. She is described as stupid, slutty, and superficial, which means that Kie should be smart, wholesome, and down-to-earth.
All the major characters of Purity Flame look down on Aeli for her alleged stupidity, though the only evidence of this is the one time she speaks out-of-turn in front of Commander Palto. I found this charmingly naive, not purposely disrespectful. Alternately, if she is stupid because she was duped by the traitor, then Derac, Kie, and the rest of the Kinir Elite are stupid, as well. The allegation that Aeli is stupid is inconclusive if not entirely wrong.
Aeli is flirtatious, not slutty. She could cross the line into promiscuity, but never is this documented in the book. In fact, there is more evidence the prove she is not a slut than there is to condemn her as one:
- For the majority of the book, she is exclusively tied to her teammate Jardel.
- She lets the traitor think that she is loyal to him by letting him sleep with her, but she did so to keep her team alive. Selflessness personified.
- After Jardel breaks her heart, Aeli is offered a male escort--no charge--and declines. A slut would not be heartbroken, and she would not decline.
It is suggested that Aeli is admitted to the Kinir Elite solely for her attractiveness, and that her abilities as a warrior are sub-par. Despite Kie's beauty--which tempts every man she comes in contact with--her abilities are not questioned. Kie is paraded around by the author as a workaholic tomboy; Aeli is the flirtatious airhead. As the deuteragonist, Kie is expected to be the female reader's sympathetic character; however, she is damaging to all womankind.
Kie tries to diminish her womanhood by keeping her hair in a braided bun, wearing only the masculine (or at least gender-neutral) Elite uniform, and scoffing at every element of femininity in the book. Since she is given attention, respect, and even praise, she is the character that young women will try to emulate.
Aeli is naive, trusting, flirtatious, outspoken, and courageous, and yet female readers are being told to disregard her. Aeli is disrespected by being called names, dumped by Jardel, basically raped by the traitor, and she's given no comfort or support. She may be flawed, but in a job full of masculine influences, where women are not allowed to make a mistake, and her allies--the "honorable" good guys--consider her stupid, slutty, and superficial, Aeli has the courage to remain true to herself. She doesn't try to hide who she is. She may have been written to resemble Lydia Bennet, but she has all the cunning, vulnerability, and charm of Marilyn Monroe.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
The Mary Sue of Purity Flame: Part 2--Daddy Issues
The very essence of a Mary Sue is the fulfillment of one's fantasies. She is everything you cannot be, with all your virtues--though magnified--and none of your shortcomings. She can do what you've dreamed of learning to do, and easily. She's the best at it, even.
If you have flat hair, she has bouncy, full locks. If you have a beer belly, she has a taut tummy. She is a perfect specimen with your personality (minus the bad parts) tossed inside. She has not learned from her mistakes because she's never made any. If she has a dark past, it's because bad things happen to her; she has too much foresight to fall into a bad decision, you see, as she's the one usually writing the book.
Harley's father, a US Veteran, has never been supportive of her writing dreams; Harley has said so. Desperate for his approval, she tried to join some branch of the military. Because she failed, Harley had to memorialize her father's dedication to his country in some other way, so she wrote him a book. She at first based the protagonist on him, but he apparently grew into his own personality; his love interest, unfortunately, did not.
Like the Name of a Mary Sue, the characteristics of the Mary Sue fall into either the Wish-Fulfillment or the Cheap Disguise. The first shows some failing in the author, whether it be her appearance, personality, or accomplishments. The second encompasses all the author's positive traits, though in the Mary Sue, they are often exaggerated to put even the creator to shame. The three greatest elements of Kie's character are her dedication, her military rank, and her desirability. Here's how each has come to be:
Harley is dedicated. Say what you want about her plots, characters, and style--she's done more marketing than an 80's power-suit guy. She taught herself web-design in order to make websites for authors. She has like, 19 blogs about writing.
Kie is dedicated. She reads battle strategies for fun, and that's all she reads. Harley has a shelf of writing and style books, but that isn't all she reads! (What a stretch.) Kie isn't interested in frivolous things like brushing her hair or making dresses. She likes to practice by sparring with Elite captains. She breathes Kinir Elite; she wouldn't know what to do without her job, as she's too talented to be just a housewife.
Harley wasn't accepted to the military. She wanted to carry on her father's legacy by joining the So-and-So Guard; though they are not very exclusive, they did not want her. I assume this is because she didn't pass a fitness or an aptitude test.
Kie is a top member of an Elite military force. She is the best marksman on the team, gave the captain of the Tinally Elite a run for his money, and fought with her own commander while she was locked in a wizard's tower (oh, the originality!). Everyone insists that this is where she belongs...probably because her hymen was already busted by a pedophile dwarf, so she can't be married off to anyone respectable. The whore. And, speaking of hymen-busting (my vote for new Olympic sport)...
Harley has Daddy Issues. A lot of people do; it's nothing to flaunt, but it's certainly relate-able. Because of this, she's the kind of girl who squees at any male attention she receives. Girls who have babies in high school? Daddy Issues. Girls who get married when they're eighteen? Daddy Issues! (It wasn't always this way, but in this day and age, it's troofs.) Oh, and don't get me started on the wannabe tomboys who bitch about women. Who do they sound like? Your alcoholic dad? There's a reason for that.
Kie is irresistible to men. Despite her almost obsessive need to downplay her womanhood, she is consistently given more male attention than her flirtatious rival teammate, Aeli. Her captain, her commander, even dwarves (those nasty fuckers!), are all enchanted by this tomboy beauty. Even her male teammates (one of whom is going steady with Aeli) feel a possessiveness for her that suggests hidden amorous intentions, but only on their part--Kie is almost as unimpressed with the opposite gender as she is with her own.
If you have flat hair, she has bouncy, full locks. If you have a beer belly, she has a taut tummy. She is a perfect specimen with your personality (minus the bad parts) tossed inside. She has not learned from her mistakes because she's never made any. If she has a dark past, it's because bad things happen to her; she has too much foresight to fall into a bad decision, you see, as she's the one usually writing the book.
Harley's father, a US Veteran, has never been supportive of her writing dreams; Harley has said so. Desperate for his approval, she tried to join some branch of the military. Because she failed, Harley had to memorialize her father's dedication to his country in some other way, so she wrote him a book. She at first based the protagonist on him, but he apparently grew into his own personality; his love interest, unfortunately, did not.
Like the Name of a Mary Sue, the characteristics of the Mary Sue fall into either the Wish-Fulfillment or the Cheap Disguise. The first shows some failing in the author, whether it be her appearance, personality, or accomplishments. The second encompasses all the author's positive traits, though in the Mary Sue, they are often exaggerated to put even the creator to shame. The three greatest elements of Kie's character are her dedication, her military rank, and her desirability. Here's how each has come to be:
Harley is dedicated. Say what you want about her plots, characters, and style--she's done more marketing than an 80's power-suit guy. She taught herself web-design in order to make websites for authors. She has like, 19 blogs about writing.
Kie is dedicated. She reads battle strategies for fun, and that's all she reads. Harley has a shelf of writing and style books, but that isn't all she reads! (What a stretch.) Kie isn't interested in frivolous things like brushing her hair or making dresses. She likes to practice by sparring with Elite captains. She breathes Kinir Elite; she wouldn't know what to do without her job, as she's too talented to be just a housewife.
Harley wasn't accepted to the military. She wanted to carry on her father's legacy by joining the So-and-So Guard; though they are not very exclusive, they did not want her. I assume this is because she didn't pass a fitness or an aptitude test.
Kie is a top member of an Elite military force. She is the best marksman on the team, gave the captain of the Tinally Elite a run for his money, and fought with her own commander while she was locked in a wizard's tower (oh, the originality!). Everyone insists that this is where she belongs...probably because her hymen was already busted by a pedophile dwarf, so she can't be married off to anyone respectable. The whore. And, speaking of hymen-busting (my vote for new Olympic sport)...
Harley has Daddy Issues. A lot of people do; it's nothing to flaunt, but it's certainly relate-able. Because of this, she's the kind of girl who squees at any male attention she receives. Girls who have babies in high school? Daddy Issues. Girls who get married when they're eighteen? Daddy Issues! (It wasn't always this way, but in this day and age, it's troofs.) Oh, and don't get me started on the wannabe tomboys who bitch about women. Who do they sound like? Your alcoholic dad? There's a reason for that.
Kie is irresistible to men. Despite her almost obsessive need to downplay her womanhood, she is consistently given more male attention than her flirtatious rival teammate, Aeli. Her captain, her commander, even dwarves (those nasty fuckers!), are all enchanted by this tomboy beauty. Even her male teammates (one of whom is going steady with Aeli) feel a possessiveness for her that suggests hidden amorous intentions, but only on their part--Kie is almost as unimpressed with the opposite gender as she is with her own.
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