Sometimes, Mary Sues are painfully obvious--think Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Often, they are only noticeable if you're familiar with the author. It's frightening to find that you have a Mary Sue on your hands. Luckily for my reader (yes, singular, as in Jonas), I am familiar with both the Mary Sue and our author.
Before you think I'm a stalker (I am), understand that Harley V. Palmer and I were once members of the same online writing community. She often shared her ideas, which I (gently, the first few times) would electrocute with my Sith Lord Lightning of Logic. I know her personality and some of her life story. Of course, that's all easy to learn if you have patience and an Internet connection.
To find your author's Mary Sue is a deeply enlightening thing; all at once, you can know the flaws, failures, and fantasies that the author perhaps hoped to keep hidden. The Mary Sue is often the same gender as her writer, though with exaggerated virtues and erased failings. In Purity Flame, the Mary Sue is the protagonist's love interest: Kie.
The most obvious evidence of a Mary Sue is the name. This will fall into the following categories: the Wish-Fulfillment and/or the Cheap Disguise. Bella Swan, from Twilight, is the Wish-Fulfillment name, because it means "beautiful swan." The Cheap Disguise specimen is when the Author and her Sue share some part of their names; think Jane Fairfax in Jane Austen's Emma. Most Sues are a bit of both types.
Kie's name escaped me at first. It's short for Kierianna--a pretentious four syllables, like many Fantasy Sues. Oh, and of course it ends in that generic "-anna," ubiquitous in Fantasy fiction. It reminds me of Anastasia, the author's real first name.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Chapter 2.2: Purity Flame
The team reached a clearing surrounded by the cliff and a circle (1) of trees. A small cabin sat in the middle with smoke curling from the chimney. For a moment, the image of another house appeared before Derac's eyes (2). A house ablaze (3). He shook his head to (4) clear the picture.
I copied all of this because this paragraph typifies the whole book:
1. Redundant descriptions. A clearing's already a circle of trees, just like snow is already cold.
2. Derac's pain. We get it. I highly doubt anyone could think about the murder of your wife (speculation--no evidence as of 60% through the book about it being murder) so freely. If you want to argue that he can't help it, he certainly couldn't be so stoic all the time...he'd be a little bit unsteady.
3. Fragments. They. Are. Everywhere.
4. People shake their heads a lot. It reminds me of Twatlight.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Chapter 2.1: Purity Flame
I edited these chapters for her. Yes, for free. I wanted to help her write a book that was actually compelling, but she declined, claiming she wanted to keep a specific style for her Kinir Elite Chronicles. Apparently, "shit" is a style, now.
In Chapter 2, ten years after the occurrences of Chapter 1, Derac is leading his team, the Kinir Elite, through the wilderness to a shack where Humans are keeping Fairies hostage.
In the dark, they all looked the same - black uniforms and painted faces. Even in the dark, his keen elf eyes allowed him to see who was who.
This contradiction is the kind of thing that an editor would--and did--notice.
Meet the team:
In the dark, they all looked the same - black uniforms and painted faces. Even in the dark (1), his keen elf eyes allowed him to see who was who.(2) Kie, with the tight bun on the back of her head and bow clutched in her hand.(3) Aeli, with her long, curly pony tail, standing taller than Kie.(4) Rakan, the veteran warrior, was (5) easy to spot with his broad shoulders and thick torso. Jardel with his unruly hair falling into his face, his bow snuggled in the quiver.(6) And Tyn, the lone shadow of epic(7) calm.
1. Already mentioned--a contradiction.
2. Colon instead of period
3. Semicolon instead of a period, because you must separate the items of a list if they are long or have commas in the items themselves.
4. Semicolon
5. This is a complete sentence because of the verb "was." To make it mesh with the rest of the list, "was" must be deleted, and the period changed to a semicolon.
6. Semicolon!
7. "Epic" means long...as in, the poems. Thank frat boys for overusing "epic fail" to the point where even housewives with too much time on their hands mistake this word's definition as "great."
In Chapter 2, ten years after the occurrences of Chapter 1, Derac is leading his team, the Kinir Elite, through the wilderness to a shack where Humans are keeping Fairies hostage.
In the dark, they all looked the same - black uniforms and painted faces. Even in the dark, his keen elf eyes allowed him to see who was who.
This contradiction is the kind of thing that an editor would--and did--notice.
Meet the team:
In the dark, they all looked the same - black uniforms and painted faces. Even in the dark (1), his keen elf eyes allowed him to see who was who.(2) Kie, with the tight bun on the back of her head and bow clutched in her hand.(3) Aeli, with her long, curly pony tail, standing taller than Kie.(4) Rakan, the veteran warrior, was (5) easy to spot with his broad shoulders and thick torso. Jardel with his unruly hair falling into his face, his bow snuggled in the quiver.(6) And Tyn, the lone shadow of epic(7) calm.
1. Already mentioned--a contradiction.
2. Colon instead of period
3. Semicolon instead of a period, because you must separate the items of a list if they are long or have commas in the items themselves.
4. Semicolon
5. This is a complete sentence because of the verb "was." To make it mesh with the rest of the list, "was" must be deleted, and the period changed to a semicolon.
6. Semicolon!
7. "Epic" means long...as in, the poems. Thank frat boys for overusing "epic fail" to the point where even housewives with too much time on their hands mistake this word's definition as "great."
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Chapter 1: Purity Flame
Straight to business. I like fantasy, but the Tolkien wannabes out there kind of get on my nerves. Now, this particular indie book is a little different. The elves are more like a S.W.A.T. team, which was a cool idea when BestFriendChris thought of it two years ago. At the time, Harley, the author, said that elves with guns was a stupid idea. Then BAM! A year later, she's completed her first novel about an elven military and has it "make rounds" through publishers. Well...no one wanted it. So she thought she'd indie publish.
The problem with this story is that its author suffers from a severe case of Unwarranted Self-Importance. She is an Elitist who uses her two best friends as her crit partners. They allegedly finished critiquing her novel in one night. See the evidence below the summary of Chapter One of Purity Flame by Harley V. Palmer.
"Fire raged inside his soul while the house burned down around him." Here's our first sentence. On the whole, it doesn't smack of originality, but I've seen worse, too. It kind of makes the real fire seem not so important as the one in his soul, and the reader assumes this man is at home. Actually, he's at his team's headquarters, which I guess you could call his home, but I actually pictured a house...which is generally not what a military headquarters is.
So we're thrown into what the author intends to be an adrenaline fest. Derac Vidor is an elf who is the captain of the Kinir Elite, which is like the Delta Force of the elf world. He's pulled out of the fire by his best friend, Tyn. Derac's wife, Maleena, is killed in the fire, and he is shattered. He has nightmares every night, even a decade later, but he doesn't go crazy, because he's a bauss elf with bauss-elf powers. This whole, three-page chapter is really a prologue, but I think that Harley must have read somewhere that prologues are looked down upon. Maybe she took to heart what I said about prologues a few years ago. Doubt it.
In three pages, I have about forty notes. If that isn't evident of her lacking editorial skills, maybe these sentences will help:
His best friend Tyn stood over him. The elf's gentle brown eyes stared (1) at him with concern. Derac shook his head, clearing it of the smoke induced (2) haze.
1. If the eyes stared, do they have their own eyes? This is a misuse of personification, wherein an inanimate object takes on the attributes of a human. (The moon followed me home.) However, you do not use personification to make eyes stare. People stare. Cats stare. Eyes do not stare.
2. Now let's look at her typo: smoke induced. She doesn't know what a dash is, obviously, because she makes this mistake a thousand times in her book. What this clause, "clearing it of the smoke induced haze," is saying, is that clearing his head of the smoke induced a haze in him. Dashes are kind of important.
The smell (1) of burning wood riveted his gaze on the building. The flames ate the house bit by bit. The wood cracked and splintered as the fire grew hotter. The smell (1) of burnt flesh hung thick (2) in the air. Haunting. Dark. Beautiful. (3)
1. She's already talked about the smell. She obviously didn't write a second draft, because this is the kind of thing you catch when you actually edit your writing. If you talk about smell twice in the same paragraph, but allude to two different smells, you should combine the sentences; if they talk about the same smell, you'd delete one, yes?
2. This is a poorly worded sentence. Technically, "thick" should be "thickly," though I'm sure she meant that the smell hung in the thick air, not that it hung thickly.
3. The only note I have for this one is "No." Is she implying that the smell of burning flesh is beautiful? Her protagonist Derac certainly wouldn't think so.
Who was screaming? Maleena! Derac shot to his feet and sprinted toward the door. He collided with Tyn (1) who pushed him back from the blast of heat.
1. Comma.
"You can't save them (1), Derac!"
"Watch me!(2)" Derac punched his friend in the face. (3)
Tyn’s head snapped back from the force. He didn’t flinch (4) and returned (5) an uppercut to Derac’s chin. Before Derac could recover, Tyn stepped behind him and forced his arms behind his back. He struggled against the hold, feeling a sharp pull in his joints. If he fought harder, it would dislocate his shoulders (6).
1. He says "them," but it's only ever mentioned that Derac's wife dies--no one else. Poor Maleena.
2. I think I said this once in the sixth grade. This could be more powerful if he didn't say anything at all.
3. Haha.
4. He didn't flinch, but his head snapped back. What? It's not a flinch! I think she meant to say that he didn't hesitate.
5. He can return with an uppercut, but if Derac didn't give him an uppercut first, he certainly can't return it.
6. BestFriendChris is a former Marine. He assured me that someone with proper military training can get out of this. He described some sort of funky maneuver that confused me, but I believe him. Harley's not too great at research.
Phew. That was a lengthy note.
Ash mixed with snowflakes(1) and coated the two elves. Hot cinders fell on their skin and burned small holes in their tunics (2).
1. Is this even possible? I know ashes can land on snow, and create a sort of chocolate milk thing, but can it actually mix together before it lands and stay mixed?
2. If the ashes mix with snow, how can it be hot enough to burn through fabric? One or the other.
A blood curdling(1) scream(2) pierced the cool night air(3) and a ball of fire raced from the door of the house. The sight squeezed Derac’s heart as he recognized his once beautiful(4) wife. Her blackened flesh flaked off her arms. The firm body he loved (5) and cherished(6) collapsed into the snow, snuffing the flames on her skin (7). Her burned carcass lay against the stark white blanket around her. Stunned, he tried to deny the black mass was his passionate(8) caring wife, but the few locks of golden(9) blonde hair and the gold wedding ring on her finger couldn’t be mistaken.
1. +dash (as in, blood-curdling).
2. "blood-curdling scream" is cliche.
3. +comma
4. +dash (as in, once-beautiful). The phrase is being used as an adjective, which means it requires a dash. It wouldn't need a dash if it was worded "His wife, once beautiful,now a fried bit of Elven bacon, etc...."
5. This makes Derac sound shallow.
6. Redundant. "Loved and cherished" mean basically the same thing.
7. Okay, this one is a matter of personal opinion, I'll admit. Remember when you were on a pre-school field trip at that mini-town out by the airport and the firefighter guy told the class that it isn't really the flames you have to worry about, but the smoke? That people die in fires because of the smoke inhalation, not actually burning to a crisp? It's kind of hard to set yourself on fire. I mean, if she were doused in something, that'd be understandable, but (spoiler alert) she was not the intended victim; only the building was set on fire. And maybe if only one part of her body were on fire, it'd be a little more realistic. All I keep picturing is a Goku Saiyan-esque fire emanating from her body. I think this scene would be much more realistic and effective if she'd crawled out of the place and died from some such fire-related complications (such as, I don't know...smoke inhalation?). Or, she could faint inside the building and be burned to a crisp. This is just completely unrealistic to me. I know it can happen, but I read it with a giggle. Sorry.
8. +comma
9. "golden" is redundant. Not only that, but she uses "gold" five words down. Thesaurus win.
His lungs(1) gulped(2) in air as he tried to calm himself and let his training take over.
1. Another form of misused personification. He could gulp air into his lungs, but that would be almost decent writing, which is apparently looked down upon in self-published fantasy.
2. Just making a note, here. You can tell when she really likes a word, because she reuses it like five times in the same chapter. We're all guilty of this, but it's something a decent copyeditor would notice.
Derac lifted the ladle from the water pail and gulped (1) the cool liquid(2).
1. See?
2. Couldn't just say "drank," now, could we? Derac lifted the ladle from the water pail and drank. That could be such a handsome sentence.
Maleena’s body would wait in the cold (1) snow until the fire burned out and the fire brigade(2) turned into the burial team (3).
1. I see what she's trying to do. No, honestly. She's trying to make us feel like Maleena is getting the shaft. However, describing something inherently cold as "cold" isn't the way to do it.
2. I feel like they should have a name. I know she couldn't call them firefighters, because this is high fantasy, but what's wrong with calling them the Kinir Fire Brigade? If they're just a bunch of commoners lining up with buckets, "brigade" isn't the right word.
3. Unless this is just a bunch of regular folk, they would not be the ones performing funerary services. It's Harley's world, sure, but at least have some rules.
"What is the plan?" [Tyn asked Derac.]
"We're going hunting."
Here's the close of our chapter. There's nothing wrong with it to the reader's eye, but to the editor's mind come questions like, "Will the result of this 'hunting' be related to Maleena's death? Is this just a subject change so the chapter can feel closed? Will this 'hunting' ever be mentioned again?"Not at 60% through the novel, no. He hunts the people who are responsible for the arson.
The problem with this story is that its author suffers from a severe case of Unwarranted Self-Importance. She is an Elitist who uses her two best friends as her crit partners. They allegedly finished critiquing her novel in one night. See the evidence below the summary of Chapter One of Purity Flame by Harley V. Palmer.
"Fire raged inside his soul while the house burned down around him." Here's our first sentence. On the whole, it doesn't smack of originality, but I've seen worse, too. It kind of makes the real fire seem not so important as the one in his soul, and the reader assumes this man is at home. Actually, he's at his team's headquarters, which I guess you could call his home, but I actually pictured a house...which is generally not what a military headquarters is.
So we're thrown into what the author intends to be an adrenaline fest. Derac Vidor is an elf who is the captain of the Kinir Elite, which is like the Delta Force of the elf world. He's pulled out of the fire by his best friend, Tyn. Derac's wife, Maleena, is killed in the fire, and he is shattered. He has nightmares every night, even a decade later, but he doesn't go crazy, because he's a bauss elf with bauss-elf powers. This whole, three-page chapter is really a prologue, but I think that Harley must have read somewhere that prologues are looked down upon. Maybe she took to heart what I said about prologues a few years ago. Doubt it.
In three pages, I have about forty notes. If that isn't evident of her lacking editorial skills, maybe these sentences will help:
His best friend Tyn stood over him. The elf's gentle brown eyes stared (1) at him with concern. Derac shook his head, clearing it of the smoke induced (2) haze.
1. If the eyes stared, do they have their own eyes? This is a misuse of personification, wherein an inanimate object takes on the attributes of a human. (The moon followed me home.) However, you do not use personification to make eyes stare. People stare. Cats stare. Eyes do not stare.
2. Now let's look at her typo: smoke induced. She doesn't know what a dash is, obviously, because she makes this mistake a thousand times in her book. What this clause, "clearing it of the smoke induced haze," is saying, is that clearing his head of the smoke induced a haze in him. Dashes are kind of important.
The smell (1) of burning wood riveted his gaze on the building. The flames ate the house bit by bit. The wood cracked and splintered as the fire grew hotter. The smell (1) of burnt flesh hung thick (2) in the air. Haunting. Dark. Beautiful. (3)
1. She's already talked about the smell. She obviously didn't write a second draft, because this is the kind of thing you catch when you actually edit your writing. If you talk about smell twice in the same paragraph, but allude to two different smells, you should combine the sentences; if they talk about the same smell, you'd delete one, yes?
2. This is a poorly worded sentence. Technically, "thick" should be "thickly," though I'm sure she meant that the smell hung in the thick air, not that it hung thickly.
3. The only note I have for this one is "No." Is she implying that the smell of burning flesh is beautiful? Her protagonist Derac certainly wouldn't think so.
Who was screaming? Maleena! Derac shot to his feet and sprinted toward the door. He collided with Tyn (1) who pushed him back from the blast of heat.
1. Comma.
"You can't save them (1), Derac!"
"Watch me!(2)" Derac punched his friend in the face. (3)
Tyn’s head snapped back from the force. He didn’t flinch (4) and returned (5) an uppercut to Derac’s chin. Before Derac could recover, Tyn stepped behind him and forced his arms behind his back. He struggled against the hold, feeling a sharp pull in his joints. If he fought harder, it would dislocate his shoulders (6).
1. He says "them," but it's only ever mentioned that Derac's wife dies--no one else. Poor Maleena.
2. I think I said this once in the sixth grade. This could be more powerful if he didn't say anything at all.
3. Haha.
4. He didn't flinch, but his head snapped back. What? It's not a flinch! I think she meant to say that he didn't hesitate.
5. He can return with an uppercut, but if Derac didn't give him an uppercut first, he certainly can't return it.
6. BestFriendChris is a former Marine. He assured me that someone with proper military training can get out of this. He described some sort of funky maneuver that confused me, but I believe him. Harley's not too great at research.
Phew. That was a lengthy note.
Ash mixed with snowflakes(1) and coated the two elves. Hot cinders fell on their skin and burned small holes in their tunics (2).
1. Is this even possible? I know ashes can land on snow, and create a sort of chocolate milk thing, but can it actually mix together before it lands and stay mixed?
2. If the ashes mix with snow, how can it be hot enough to burn through fabric? One or the other.
A blood curdling(1) scream(2) pierced the cool night air(3) and a ball of fire raced from the door of the house. The sight squeezed Derac’s heart as he recognized his once beautiful(4) wife. Her blackened flesh flaked off her arms. The firm body he loved (5) and cherished(6) collapsed into the snow, snuffing the flames on her skin (7). Her burned carcass lay against the stark white blanket around her. Stunned, he tried to deny the black mass was his passionate(8) caring wife, but the few locks of golden(9) blonde hair and the gold wedding ring on her finger couldn’t be mistaken.
1. +dash (as in, blood-curdling).
2. "blood-curdling scream" is cliche.
3. +comma
4. +dash (as in, once-beautiful). The phrase is being used as an adjective, which means it requires a dash. It wouldn't need a dash if it was worded "His wife, once beautiful,
5. This makes Derac sound shallow.
6. Redundant. "Loved and cherished" mean basically the same thing.
7. Okay, this one is a matter of personal opinion, I'll admit. Remember when you were on a pre-school field trip at that mini-town out by the airport and the firefighter guy told the class that it isn't really the flames you have to worry about, but the smoke? That people die in fires because of the smoke inhalation, not actually burning to a crisp? It's kind of hard to set yourself on fire. I mean, if she were doused in something, that'd be understandable, but (spoiler alert) she was not the intended victim; only the building was set on fire. And maybe if only one part of her body were on fire, it'd be a little more realistic. All I keep picturing is a Goku Saiyan-esque fire emanating from her body. I think this scene would be much more realistic and effective if she'd crawled out of the place and died from some such fire-related complications (such as, I don't know...smoke inhalation?). Or, she could faint inside the building and be burned to a crisp. This is just completely unrealistic to me. I know it can happen, but I read it with a giggle. Sorry.
8. +comma
9. "golden" is redundant. Not only that, but she uses "gold" five words down. Thesaurus win.
His lungs(1) gulped(2) in air as he tried to calm himself and let his training take over.
1. Another form of misused personification. He could gulp air into his lungs, but that would be almost decent writing, which is apparently looked down upon in self-published fantasy.
2. Just making a note, here. You can tell when she really likes a word, because she reuses it like five times in the same chapter. We're all guilty of this, but it's something a decent copyeditor would notice.
Derac lifted the ladle from the water pail and gulped (1) the cool liquid(2).
1. See?
2. Couldn't just say "drank," now, could we? Derac lifted the ladle from the water pail and drank. That could be such a handsome sentence.
Maleena’s body would wait in the cold (1) snow until the fire burned out and the fire brigade(2) turned into the burial team (3).
1. I see what she's trying to do. No, honestly. She's trying to make us feel like Maleena is getting the shaft. However, describing something inherently cold as "cold" isn't the way to do it.
2. I feel like they should have a name. I know she couldn't call them firefighters, because this is high fantasy, but what's wrong with calling them the Kinir Fire Brigade? If they're just a bunch of commoners lining up with buckets, "brigade" isn't the right word.
3. Unless this is just a bunch of regular folk, they would not be the ones performing funerary services. It's Harley's world, sure, but at least have some rules.
"What is the plan?" [Tyn asked Derac.]
"We're going hunting."
Here's the close of our chapter. There's nothing wrong with it to the reader's eye, but to the editor's mind come questions like, "Will the result of this 'hunting' be related to Maleena's death? Is this just a subject change so the chapter can feel closed? Will this 'hunting' ever be mentioned again?"
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
The Fair Use Series: Introduction
If I knew that this was legal, I would have done it years ago.
One of my favorite blogs to follow is Dana's Reasoning With Vampires on Tumblr. She's reading the Twatlight series and scanning every passage she finds flawed. Before you ask, yes, she has loads of posts. I like her style; she pays neat attention to grammar, and when I wouldn't know where to begin, she pinpoints the error of Stephenie Meyers's ways. Needless to say, I check it daily. Sometimes hourly.
I have stumbled upon a few writers who possess a heaping helping of unwarranted self-importance. (Look it up on Encyclopedia Dramatica if you're not at work, 'cos the article is hilar.) When I find these grotesque beasts, my reaction is to trick them into their own traps. Think "I hate men." "Oh, so you're female?" "No. I hate other* men." "El oh el." It's a little more respectable than that, but there's an idea for you.
When this trickery is insufficient to shut them the eff up, I become annoyed, because that means defeating them will require effort. It is then that I inspect their writing, the meat of their boasts. It should be noted that supreme douchebaggery results in having far too much pride in your alleged "work." It is not work if it is the first draft...and it's published.
Note that "published" does not mean in the more respected traditional sense; didn't you know that the Internet can be used for evil? It has given these bitches with unwarranted self-importance (or, Elitists--remember that, it's important) a medium for falsely inflating their ego. It's called many names, the most vile of which are self-publishing, indie publishing, and e-publishing. Notice the word they share. These Indies are always using it, usually in descriptions of themselves. One notable exception is when they say things like "Traditional publishing just wasn't for me." Watch their tails tuck under their yellow bellies.
I can respect someone who has been published traditionally and decides to go indie. I cannot respect someone who didn't have the discipline to cut the shit out of their manuscripts and polish it for a real publishing house. That's why I'm here--to show you the error of their ways, just as Dana does for Meyers. She cites Folsom v. Marsh: "[A] reviewer may fairly cite largely from the original work, if his design be really and truly to use the passages for the purposes of fair and reasonable criticism."
First off, I'll be critiquing all the little things in "Purity Flame," by Harley V. Palmer*. Spoiler alert: I might as well post the whole novel and put an asterisk after "The End," 'cos the whole fucking book is a mistake.
* This is not the real title, and this is not her real name. SugarSpice Points to anyone not in the know who can figure it out.
One of my favorite blogs to follow is Dana's Reasoning With Vampires on Tumblr. She's reading the Twatlight series and scanning every passage she finds flawed. Before you ask, yes, she has loads of posts. I like her style; she pays neat attention to grammar, and when I wouldn't know where to begin, she pinpoints the error of Stephenie Meyers's ways. Needless to say, I check it daily. Sometimes hourly.
I have stumbled upon a few writers who possess a heaping helping of unwarranted self-importance. (Look it up on Encyclopedia Dramatica if you're not at work, 'cos the article is hilar.) When I find these grotesque beasts, my reaction is to trick them into their own traps. Think "I hate men." "Oh, so you're female?" "No. I hate other* men." "El oh el." It's a little more respectable than that, but there's an idea for you.
When this trickery is insufficient to shut them the eff up, I become annoyed, because that means defeating them will require effort. It is then that I inspect their writing, the meat of their boasts. It should be noted that supreme douchebaggery results in having far too much pride in your alleged "work." It is not work if it is the first draft...and it's published.
Note that "published" does not mean in the more respected traditional sense; didn't you know that the Internet can be used for evil? It has given these bitches with unwarranted self-importance (or, Elitists--remember that, it's important) a medium for falsely inflating their ego. It's called many names, the most vile of which are self-publishing, indie publishing, and e-publishing. Notice the word they share. These Indies are always using it, usually in descriptions of themselves. One notable exception is when they say things like "Traditional publishing just wasn't for me." Watch their tails tuck under their yellow bellies.
I can respect someone who has been published traditionally and decides to go indie. I cannot respect someone who didn't have the discipline to cut the shit out of their manuscripts and polish it for a real publishing house. That's why I'm here--to show you the error of their ways, just as Dana does for Meyers. She cites Folsom v. Marsh: "[A] reviewer may fairly cite largely from the original work, if his design be really and truly to use the passages for the purposes of fair and reasonable criticism."
First off, I'll be critiquing all the little things in "Purity Flame," by Harley V. Palmer*. Spoiler alert: I might as well post the whole novel and put an asterisk after "The End," 'cos the whole fucking book is a mistake.
* This is not the real title, and this is not her real name. SugarSpice Points to anyone not in the know who can figure it out.
Welcome
Writing is hard. I know it comes to you easily, and it's no problem to sit and let the ink run, but making something good and clear and fresh and yours is no walk in the park. I've been writing for a long time, and I wish I could tell you that it gets easier. Scratch that; I don't need to sugarcoat anything (my BMI is 29.36). Writing does not get easier: you just learn to recognize the bad stuff. Ever reread something you wrote ages ago? Typos and stylistic choices probably had you scoffing at yourself, right?
Been there.
I've been writing since I was nine years old, and I went through some really awful stages. When I was twelve, I put a dash after every -ly word (so most adverbs, but not all). Here's an example: Mary Sue's book was hardly-read.
Yeah. I've done that.
My favorite thing to do was to create characters. I'd even sketch them out, and they would have a color to fit their personality. I admit that some of them were flat. I admit that the majority of them were flat. However, each was distinct from the other, even while possessing a lackluster personality. Rereading these old writings made me realize something--I hated my protagonists. I didn't know why: they were crafted without any of my flaws and described in the most flowery prose (to match their unequaled beauty). Even their speech patterns were elevated to some Lord-of-the-Rings-esque ornateness.
The problem was that each of my characters was a Mary Sue. Heard of it? It's when your protagonist is flawless and adored beyond reason. She is the author, though manifested with exaggerated virtues; no failings, baseness, or ignorance; and an audience that just cannot get enough of her (the audience being the other characters, as the reader has already found something else to, ahem, read).
Since learning of this phenomenon, my writing has experienced quite the overhaul. My characters are actually rounded, with imperfections, insecurities, and enemies. I'm very happy with it, now.
That doesn't mean I don't encounter it daily. The essence of this blog is to teach the aspiring author how to avoid the pitfalls I fell into--how to evade the sickening charm of the Mary Sue.
Been there.
I've been writing since I was nine years old, and I went through some really awful stages. When I was twelve, I put a dash after every -ly word (so most adverbs, but not all). Here's an example: Mary Sue's book was hardly-read.
Yeah. I've done that.
My favorite thing to do was to create characters. I'd even sketch them out, and they would have a color to fit their personality. I admit that some of them were flat. I admit that the majority of them were flat. However, each was distinct from the other, even while possessing a lackluster personality. Rereading these old writings made me realize something--I hated my protagonists. I didn't know why: they were crafted without any of my flaws and described in the most flowery prose (to match their unequaled beauty). Even their speech patterns were elevated to some Lord-of-the-Rings-esque ornateness.
The problem was that each of my characters was a Mary Sue. Heard of it? It's when your protagonist is flawless and adored beyond reason. She is the author, though manifested with exaggerated virtues; no failings, baseness, or ignorance; and an audience that just cannot get enough of her (the audience being the other characters, as the reader has already found something else to, ahem, read).
Since learning of this phenomenon, my writing has experienced quite the overhaul. My characters are actually rounded, with imperfections, insecurities, and enemies. I'm very happy with it, now.
That doesn't mean I don't encounter it daily. The essence of this blog is to teach the aspiring author how to avoid the pitfalls I fell into--how to evade the sickening charm of the Mary Sue.
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